


Realizations

by Punzel23



Category: The Good Doctor (TV 2017)
Genre: Claire Brown and Neal Melendez, F/M, Melendaire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:00:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24323194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Punzel23/pseuds/Punzel23
Summary: Neil comes to realize his feelings have developed into more
Relationships: Claire Browne/Neil Melendez
Comments: 6
Kudos: 63





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, in going back I kept thinking about why Neil was looking for Claire in the locker room when he found her sitting there with the shoe box. It seemed out of the ordinary, so this is my attempt to delve into why. 
> 
> Of course I had to go back a little to give some pre-text and am thinking about going forward afterward as well but I'm not sure. I've got like 17 pages written at this point...LOL.

“Neil. I’m not wasting my time. You do have an issue. And you’ve got to stop pretending you don’t.” Audrey said before turning to walk away.

Neil sat at the bar hashing over in his head the conversation with Audrey as well as the squabble his residents seem to be as he watched with his hands tied. If he gave his honest opinion, it would only dig this hole deeper. However, in allowing it to proceed, Claire definitely noticed. He chastised her for it this time, but he couldn’t honestly blame her and even felt as though he had betrayed her on some level. The approach of doing things himself seemed to make an impression on his residents. He wasn’t sure what the right answer was.

A few minutes later, Claire walks in and takes a seat beside him. He looks over at her.  
“This is not you and it’s not right. We can be friends and have it not be weird.” She told him matter-of-factly.

“It’s already weird. I’m not going to stay.” He replied putting his hand on his coat. 

“You don’t have to run away because I’m here” she told him frustrated.

“I’m not running, I’m being professional” he calmly explained. 

“You’re not being professional. You’re overcompensating and it’s hurting things. It got Park and I in an argument. That’s not how I want to be mentored. That’s not who you are, at least it’s not who I thought you were” She replied her tone somewhere between annoyance and pleading.

“Enjoy your dinner.” He told her as he paid for his drink and got up to leave. 

Claire sat there and stared. 

“Can I get you a drink?” the bartender asked

“Yeah, give me the Blue Lagoon” Claire responded. She might as well have a drink since she’s here. Things had been looking up for her recently, it was only natural a wrecking ball came along and knocked it all away. It shouldn’t be surprising. 

Neil walked out to his car and put the key in the ignition. Was Audrey right? Did he have an issue with Claire? Was he attracted to her? Yes. She was intelligent, beautiful, strong, funny, independent, caring. His list could go on. He had never entertained thoughts of a relationship with her, just pushed them away but maybe he did feel more. Maybe he needed to figure it out. 

Walking back in, she was still sitting there, and he caught himself thinking about how beautiful she looked but pushed the thought away. “Two menus’ please” he asked the bartender as he sat back down.  
Claire looked over and gave a huge smile. Neil smiled and passed her one of the menus and the looked them over. “Have you tried the shepherd’s pie?” she asks looking over his way. 

“Yeah, it’s good” he replies. “The Monte Cristo sandwich is good too” he says looking back at the menu. 

Claire nods as she tries to decide. 

“You guys ready to order?” the bartender asks

Neil looks over at Claire. 

“Yeah” she nods. “I think I’ll have the Monte Cristo with fries” she smiles

“Same” Neil says putting his menu on Claire’s and handing it back to the bartender. 

“I’m sorry, for the past couple days, it being weird and all” he tells her

She shakes her head, “It’s over” she smiles

“Park said he made the complaint, but I don’t totally believe him. I think he took advantage of it, but I’m pretty sure it was Morgan. I just don’t know why” Claire rolls her eyes

“Because she’s Morgan” Neil scoffs

His reaction makes Claire laugh “True. Remember the time you told me to read her article?” 

“Oh, you were royally pissed. Royally” he answers his eyes widening as he emphasizes royally. 

“She’s very smart, and she is a good doctor; I just can’t understand her motives behind doing what she does sometimes” Claire says. “Anyway, sorry I didn’t mean to get into that” she says as their dinner comes. 

“I did learn however, that Park apparently brings the nurses donuts to stay on their good side” she shares.

“Not a bad idea” Neil says with a chuckle.

“I know right. I wasn’t telling him that though” Claire laughs.

“This is really good” she says changing the subject.

“There used to be a little place close to the hospital that had a really good one, but they closed down a few years ago” he tells her. 

They continued some small talk during dinner, laughing and enjoying the company. As they walked out Claire turns to him.

“Thanks for coming back” she smiles

“Run tomorrow?” he asks

“Definitely” she grins. “Have a good night” 

“You too” he replies feeling content for the first time in days. 

The next morning, they meet for a run. Claire gets there first and smiles as she sees Neil approach. 

“Moving a little slow this morning?” she asks jokingly

“You wish” he grins

They spend a few minutes warming up and then start their run. 

After a couple laps he decides to make it more interesting.

“First one all the way around the track buys breakfast,” he says 

“Deal” she replies as she takes off.

He lets her stay in the lead for most of it but then takes the lead towards the end. 

“Hey!” she yells as he runs past

“Oh” she says as she slows and skips some grabbing her calf.

He turns and waits a second to see if she’s serious or not before running back towards her and asking if she’s ok. 

He squats down to check her calf and she darts off. 

“Cheater!” he laughs 

“Learned from you!” she replies as she completes the first lap. 

They walk over to the little diner near the track. 

“I’m starving” she laughs out of breath still from their run.

“Me too” he grins noticing the sparkle in her eyes.


	2. Heartbreak and Hope

The following week, Claire and Morgan are on Andrews' service. Shaun and Park are with Melendez and one of their first patients of the day comes in through the ER and requires surgery. Everything was going fine, Shaun shared with them that he and Carly had broken up. Park and Melendez both empathized with him although Shaun said there was no reason to. Then suddenly, things went haywire and the patient had a cardiac blowout. 

It was never easy when a patient died. Even when it was an ER patient whose name was Jane Doe because they didn’t have a name for her. It stuck with them the same as if they had. Melendez tried to explain that sometimes these things happen. Shaun was convinced there was more to it and Neil asked him to explain but he didn’t have an answer. Neil felt like Shaun was directing his hurt over his breakup to the patient. 

As standard procedure, Melendez met with Dr. Lim to let her know they had lost the patient. He explained that Shaun was upset and felt there was more to it but that there was nothing that could have been done. 

“It happens,” she said sadly

“That’s what I tried to explain” he replied as they stood in the elevator. 

As the doors started to close a hand came up and stopped it quickly. Shaun stands there with a folder. Audrey looks surprised

“I’d like to do an autopsy on Jane” he says stepping into the elevator as the door closes behind him.

“We went over this. There was nothing suspicious about her death” Melendez replied turning towards Shaun. 

“Oh. I was asking the Chief of Surgery” Shaun replied

Melendez took a breath

“I know the case,” Audrey replied, “and I agree with Dr. Melendez, I’m not authorizing an autopsy.”

“Jane’s vascular walls..” Shaun began 

“It’s hard to lose a patient. Almost as hard as losing a girlfriend.” Melendez replied

Audrey looked down, she had a soft spot for Shaun but knew there wasn’t a reason to authorize an autopsy not to mention the fact that she and Melendez’s working relationship was strained after the favoritism complaint. 

The guilt for telling Shaun no was on her face, but she stood strong. As they stepped off the elevator, Shaun advised he’d get the request approved from Jane’s family. 

“Good luck with that, according to the file her last name was Doe, so we don’t know who her family is” she told him. 

Shaun stood in the elevator, unsure and frustrated as the doors closed. Melendez paused looking at Audrey, wanting to let her know that this is what happens when residents feel they can go around their attending to her, but he didn’t. He just turned to leave. 

Claire and Morgan went in to check on their patient after his surgery being successful. He was in a good mood.

“Guess this is what happens when you mix weed with my skateboarding skills,” he says proudly

“You said you didn’t do drugs. Or skateboard” Morgan said as she examined him. 

“When did I say that?” he asked

“When we met you in the ER” Claire replied reminding him

“I’ve never seen you two before in my life. Trust me I’d remember” he replies

Claire looks at Morgan and they both look at the patient. He seems to be serious. 

They scheduled some tests to be done so that they could find out what was going on. 

Andrews advised them to monitor the patient's brain waves to see if there were any abnormalities that came up. 

They monitoring the patient’s brain waves while he slept to see if they could tell what was going on when Morgan broke the silence in the room.

“So, you and Melendez sneaking around again?” Morgan asks as Clair watches the monitor. She had noticed the awkwardness that was between them after the favoritism complaint had gone away. 

“I hear he’s back to being a good mentor” she continued. Alex had mentioned that he saw Melendez and Claire at a diner when he drove by a couple days ago. 

“Apparently my complaint changed nothing” Morgan finished. 

“You?” Claire asked confused.

Morgan shrugged

“Park said he did it” 

“Park was lying because he wanted to get you to focus on work. Good motive. Bad judge of character.” Morgan replied

“And you don’t like that Melendez has gone back to being a good mentor” Claire rolled her eyes

“I don’t like that he likes you. I don’t like that because he likes you Shaun, Park and I are second class residents”

Claire is completely appalled by her statement and explains that she is shockingly naïve, that all she did was make him second guess himself and doubt himself as well as making him resent her, Shaun, Park, and herself. 

“I wish it were that easy” Morgan replied feeling as though Claire was the naïve one. Their conversation was interrupted as the patient seemed to wake up and interject into it. Claire realized though that he was actually still asleep. They completed the test and got the patient back to his room. 

“I’m going to grab a bite to eat really quick and then we can talk to Andrews if that works” Morgan said

“Sure, that’s fine” Claire agreed finishing up what she was doing. A few minutes later she headed towards the elevator to go downstairs and caught the door before it closed. 

Neil was standing inside, slightly surprised when someone stopped the doors, wondering if Shaun had something else to say. 

“Hey” Claire smiled noticing the grim look on his face.

“Hey” he couldn’t help but smile back

“I’ve got a patient that seems to have two completely different personalities, but one is while he is awake and the other is while he’s sleeping” she shares

“Wow. That’s… nuts” he replies shaking his head. 

“Sometimes I wonder if Morgan has different personalities.” She admits. “She told me she is the one on filed the complaint. I’m not sure why she told me. It’s so weird.” Claire says feeling like she’s rambling. 

“Who knows” he comments.

“You ok?” she asks concerned.

“Yeah. We lost a patient this morning. It was a Jane Doe.” He says looking down. 

“I’m so sorry.” She says placing her hand on his arm and patting it gently. 

“It happens” he replies sadly. “Hey, do you want to maybe go bowling tonight?” he asks

“Bowling? Yeah that sounds fun” she replies 

The grim look on his face lightens up some. “We can give Morgan a fake fight to make her happy” he jokes

“Sounds good” Claire grins


	3. Fake Fights and Bowling

After lunch, Claire and Morgan went to Dr. Andrews to let him know and he suggested they consult with Dr. Lim as well. Dr. Lim advised they interview the patient both awake and asleep to allow them to get a better picture of his history. 

She and Morgan interview the patient while awake and asleep. The differences are polar opposites. When they bring the other personality up with the waking patient, he tells them it explains so many symptoms that he has when he wakes up the next morning. 

They meet with Andrews in the lounge and discuss their findings.   
“Between the two alters they engage in about every single behavior” Morgan replied. 

“Ok then we go back to Dr. Lim’s list” Andrews instructs them.

“Maybe we should be looking at Paraneoplastic syndromes? Claire brought up

“You may want to consider psychiatric issues” Melendez spoke up from his desk where he was working.   
Clare looked over her shoulder towards him. “He could be having psychotic or dissociative episodes.” Melendez finished.  
“I have a fair amount of experience with people with psychiatric issues, if he had psychosis, I would have picked up on it.” She said looking at Andrews and then back towards Melendez.   
Melendez gestured as if to say “ok.” 

Morgan brought up some possible issues that Claire then rebutted. As Claire was explaining her rebuttal, Melendez came to the entry of his door and interrupted her.   
“Actually, our personal experiences make us less effective in spotting symptoms.” He said standing with his arms crossed.   
Claire looked over at him. “You know I always make an effort to be as objective as possible” 

“well, you’re not this time” he responded. Morgan looked at Andrews uncomfortably.

“The vast majority of paraneoplastic syndrome’s present with antibodies.” He took the chart and looked. “His labs show a normal serum count” he said looking back at her. 

“The vast majority don’t have dueling entities. All diseases don’t preset with competing entities day and night” 

“I’m just giving you an idea” Melendez brushed off

“No, you’re undermining mine.” Claire shot back.  
“Fine. Your idea is brilliant, go waste your time on it.” He responded

“Thank you both.” Andrews interrupted.   
There weren’t many things that got to Marcus Andrews but after the situation a year or so ago when Melendez and kicked Browne off his service and he had to make them get along per the instruction of Allegra when she let him know that both Melendez and Browne were very valuable to the hospital and one of them leaving wasn’t an option after she found out Claire was meeting with hospital executives at other hospitals in restaurants. In having to deal with it, he found they were both completely stubborn and strong willed. He also knew that Browne was partially his fault for telling her to be more assertive. Regardless, them bickering was something he didn’t want coming back on him.   
“Get an MRI, rule out brain tumors and MS. get a full panel and check for paraneoplastic syndromes” he instructed and then looked Melendez’s way, “and a psych consult” he finished before leaving making sure he gave a nod to both Claire and Melendez’s ideas.   
Claire bit her lip and looked annoyed. Morgan shifted uncomfortably. “Guess we should get started” Claire said taking the file and heading for the door.   
Maybe things weren’t quiet as back to normal as she thought, Morgan considered. She could tell that Claire was annoyed so she stayed quiet for the most part as they went to get the MRI scheduled.   
As the waited Claire commented how the patient was sabotaging himself. 

Morgan looks over “It’s not sabotage, it’s a part of who he is.” 

“Well some parts of who we are suck” Claire responded bluntly.

They both looked forward again in an awkward silence. 

Morgan was the first to break. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have ratted on you and Melendez. I screwed things up. But this guy needs a drink every now and then” she said as they continued the scan. 

“Dr. Melendez is just a mentor. I can’t help that he’s a man and just because he’s a man doesn’t mean that there HAS to be something going on.” Claire explained as they saved the MRI results. 

“I’m not saying that it’s because he’s a male and you are a female. I’m saying based on the way that he looks at you, he likes you beyond a mentor relationship.” Morgan replied. 

Claire rolled her eyes and got up to get the patient. Neil didn’t have feelings for her, not like that. Besides, she would ruin it if he did. She wasn’t the relationship type and wasn’t even sure she knew how to have a healthy one.

Walking into the bowling alley there were lights all around, she quickly spotted Neil and headed over. 

“Morgan buy the fight?” he asked as he handed her shoes.

“Is it weird how hard we have to hide a platonic friendship?” Claire asked 

“Very, but it’s worth it” Neil replied taking a sip of his beer. 

“What happened with your patient?” he asked as he went up for his turn.

“We did the MRI and found that there was a non-life threatening cyst on his brain that if removed would fix the personality issues but the patient didn’t want to go through with it so Andrews advised us to check with Hyde.” 

“Is that even ethical?” Melendez questioned more so just asking out loud rather than questioning what Andrews had said. 

“Well, what we winded up doing is making a video of the alter ego personality of the patient to appeal to the awake patient.” 

“That was smart” Melendez replied impressed. 

“Unlike my bowling game” Claire laughed. 

“It’s hard to be better than me” Neil replied with a smirk

“You’re so full of yourself” Claire laughed smacking his arm. 

“Ouch!” He feigned hurt

It was rare that they made physical contact with each other, but he was beginning to notice even in instances like this the electricity he felt in his body when they did. 

“Oh I barely touched you” she said sticking her tongue out

“Apparently you don’t know your won strength” he laughed.

They bowled two games before calling it a night since Claire had surgery the next day. 

Walking out to their cars, Claire slowed her pace. 

“I’m really sorry about your patient this morning” she tells him as they reach her car.

“It happens. Never gets easier, but it happens” he shrugs looking into the night. 

She reaches her arms around him and hugs him pressing the side of her face against his chest. 

He was surprised by the hug but lifted his arms around her as well. They stood there for a minute or so in their embrace before she pulled back. 

“If you weren’t able to save them, nobody could have” she tells him before she steps back. 

A smile spreads on his lips. She looks beautiful in this moonlight. He wants so badly to kiss her but questions himself on if it’s the right thing to do. 

“Thank you” he says quietly, “Go home and get some rest” he tells her as she opens the door to get it. 

“You too” she smiles and tells herself the butterflies in her stomach are just the result of a late night.


	4. The Locker Room

The following week Claire is back on Melendez’s service. Their patient is a woman who seems like she’s been through this previously and is well prepared with information and documentation from consultations with other doctors.   
Coming out of the room, Melendez advises them “set up in the lounge and get me copies of each of those…” but he’s interrupted as someone calls “Claire.”   
She looks over “Dash! What are you doing here?” she smiles   
“You changed your number” he replies.   
“Right, it’s a long story” she says, remembering a few weeks back when she had to get a new number because of the guy that kept calling her.  
“Dash you remember Dr. Melendez, Dr. Murphy” she reintroduces them.  
Melendez nods and then looks to the side.   
“Of course, you gave my wife 6 more good months. We considered re-naming our cat after you” Dash replies sincerely.  
“That would have been foolish, cats remember their names” Shaun said awkwardly.   
“I’m sorry for your loss, I wish we could have done more” Melendez replied. “We’ll let you two catch up” he said as he motioned for Shaun to follow him.   
Claire smiled as Dash looked at her. It was nice to see a friendly face. He gave her a hug. Melendez looked back as he waited on the elevator.   
He saw the happiness on Claire’s face and had the feeling that his heart was being ripped out of his chest. There was definitely no denying it to himself now that he felt more than a platonic friendship with her.   
He and Shaun set up in the lounge and put the patient symptoms up on the board. He pulled out a few medical journals and publications to go through. Claire joined them a short time later, not mentioning anything about Dash. Neil was curious but didn’t want to come out and ask.   
“We’re looking through the symptoms to see if we can come up with something that can help with treatment” Melendez told Claire as she sat down and grabbed a notepad. 

“What about vasculitis or disotinomia? Both are consistent with nausea and fatigue” Claire asked

“Her temporal artery was negative which rules out vasculitis and I think I saw something on distinomia” Melendez answered picking up some papers.

Shawn interjected, “there are 15 different causes of distinomia, 7 have been ruled out..”Shaun stated as Melendez sat the paper down making a face.

“How did you make Dr. Lim fall in love with you after you were friends for so long?” Shawn randomly asked.

The room got awkward and Neil looked over at Claire.  
“Did he really ask that?” Neil wondered hoping he heard it wrong. 

Claire pushed her lips together before looking at Melendez, “I assume that’s directed at you”

Melendez sat for a second “thanks captain obvious” he replied in his head. 

“I don’t think you make anyone fall in love with you Shaun. It unfolds naturally over time” he replied. It’s what he thinks happened with is relationship with Claire. Feelings developed over time. 

“That’s not true” Shaun stated back

“Everyone starts off not loving you, but you say and do things that make them fall in love with you. That’s the point of romance but romance is harder if you’re already friends with the person”  
Claire sat back and listened to Shaun. He had a point to an extent. If you fall first, it’s hard to not ruin a friendship or to find out if the other person has the same feelings.  
“You can’t hide the less attractive parts of yourself” Shaun finished.

“It can be an advantage” Melendez replied “you already know what pisses them off”

“That’s very true,” Shaun said as if he had an epiphany.

Melendez wanted to laugh as he looked over at Claire briefly. Would Shaun bring up Dash? Did he catch on to it? Neil was curious as to whether he’d bring it up. 

“Shaun, did Carly tell you she just wants to be friends or are you talking about someone else?” Claire asked as Shaun started texting.  
Suddenly Shawn had an idea of what the patient's issue could be. His test suggestion Claire advised, could cause side effects of excruciating headache and temporary vision loss.

“She’ll give her consent” Melendez interjected.   
“It’s a reasonable diagnosis and she’s desperate for an answer” he finished as he stood and got his lab coat.

Claire accepted his instruction and went to go refill her water before getting started.  
Shaun caught up with her in the hallway and asked if she could do the test on her own since it only took one doctor to put in the lumbar drain.

“I have something time-sensitive to take care of” Shaun advised.

“Sure’ she replied tapping her cup a little irritated that she was doing a procedure he suggested on her own. 

Claire proceeds with the test and everything went fine until about thirty minutes later.   
As she saw Shaun coming into the room with alarms going off, she explained the current situation to him.

“I was wrong, my idea made things worse” he acknowledged. “I missed something” he repeated as Claire tried to get his attention finally able to break through.   
Shaun was smart but it was moments like this he drove her crazy. She knew though that he felt bad and didn’t feel the need to press the point as they took the patient in for a scan.   
“See the red?” she asked as Shaun looked at the screen. They found the additional adrenaline in the brain was causing the same effects as a tumor.   
“We have a new diagnosis” Claire said with a smile knowing Shaun felt relieved.  
They went back to Melendez and explained so that they could tell the patient.   
Back in his office, he tells them both they did nice work today. He knew Murphy wasn’t there for the lumbar drain but since Claire didn’t say anything, he didn’t bring it up either. “Have a good night.” He told them as they exited his office.   
He sat down in his chair thinking back to Claire and Dash. It could have been just a friendly visit. He remembered though Claire mentioning that Kayla wanted her to give it a shot with Dash after her death. If she did, it would surely change their dynamic and he felt a sense of jealousy at the thought of her with another guy. There were rules, and issues with the idea of a relationship with her but he couldn’t help but wonder and while he didn’t plan on acting on this, he was having to think ahead because now things could change, and he didn’t want that.   
Against what normally would have been his better judgement he decided to find Claire and see if she wanted to grab some dinner. Maybe they could talk, and he could get an idea of what she thought or how she felt. He grabs his bag and walks downstairs to the locker room. 

He walks in checking the aisles when he sees her sitting there with a shoebox. He smiles.   
“New kicks won’t help you out run me” he says with a smirk.   
She looked over. “They’re recipes from Dash, well from Kayla by way of Dash. It’s complicated” she said taking a deep breath. 

“He asked me on a date” she says as she looks over and closing the shoe box.

Neil feels his stomach drop. “uh” he sits down beside her “What did you say?” he asked. 

“Nothing. I stammered and then I fled’ she explained. 

Neil laughed. 

Truth be told, it made him feel good that she didn’t answer. Now though, he had to be the mentor that she needed to talk to, not the guy who had feelings for her. 

“What did you want to say?” he asked his heart on the verge of breaking. Looking down at the floor, his facial expression grim as he tried not to show how he felt about the situation. It reminded him of every movie he had seen where the best friend was in love with a girl and had to help her with a decision about another guy. He used to say that was never real life. Now though, it's awfully familiar. 

“I don’t know” Claire covered her face with her hands rubbing her eyes. “Shaun was right, coming home to an empty apartment really sucks” she replied. 

Neil nodded. It was true, and something he had considered a lot recently, especially after they had hung out together and he came home to a quiet, empty apartment that felt cold.

“I used men to make me feel better, most of them didn’t mind. But I.. don’t trust myself not to hurt someone I care about” she said looking over at him. 

She wasn’t really sure this had to do with Dash or if it was her opportunity to open up to Neil. 

“It’s not that complicated’ he replied. He understood where she was coming from in the sense of not hurting someone you care about. His internal dilemma was about betraying the trust she had put in him as a mentor because his feelings had grown into something more for her. 

“You lit up this morning when you saw him. He seems to make you happy. You deserve to be happy” he told her. He meant every word, she deserved to be happy. It was complicated though; however, he was not a person in the position to explain that. His heart dropped knowing that they wouldn’t be having dinner together tonight.

“Thanks” She shrugged and leaned her head over on his shoulder. It was only for a moment but it felt like an hour. 

It was both heaven and torture for him. He wondered what would happen if he kissed her. If he were to place his hand on her leg. If he told her she made him happy. 

“I guess I better get going” she lifted her head “thanks for the advice,” she said looking over. 

He stood up, “anytime. Have a good night” he told her turning to leave. His heart aching to go back to her. To explain that he wasn’t trying to push her, but he needed her to know how he felt. Instead though, he continued walking to his car to drive home, alone. 

When he and Audrey had dated it was the result of being drunk, mad at Andrews, and him being a little lonely. She was a friend, familiar, and she was the one who initiated it. Then, the quarantine happened, and he realized he didn’t want to be alone. He cared for her; he truly did but it wasn’t as if his feelings started prior to their drunken night. To be honest, he felt it was the same for her too. 

His feelings for Claire had snuck up on him. He, like Claire was a firm believer that people could have platonic relationships. He had plenty of platonic friendships. This was different though. She was different. It wasn’t just about the desire for sex, it was more. Not that his fantasies of her on his desk weren’t becoming more frequent, or dreams of them spending hot nights together didn’t happen. It was still more than that. 

He got home and made himself a drink. The silence was deafening, he felt cold and isolated. Sitting on the couch wondering if she decided to take Dash up on his offer.


	5. Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What if Claire found a clever way to try and sort her feelings with the flowers? What if she was talking about Neil? That look she gives at the end of that scene where he tells her if it's the right guy not to hold out for the right time says so much more than what's on the surface. 
> 
> Thanks for reading :). Hope you enjoy and as always comments are very appreciated!

The next day they performed the surgery, and everything was successful. He wanted to ask her about her decision but also didn’t want to hear. She didn’t seem to be in a rush to leave, he had stepped out and was held over by Andrews who was telling him about another patient. When he got back to the lounge Shaun was there. 

“Did Dr. Browne leave?” he asked casually

“Yes. I think she had a date” Shaun replied

Neil nodded as he had a sick feeling in his stomach. Just what he wanted to hear. 

He wondered if she and Dash would make dinner together. If it would be burned because of distractions. He had thought about making dinner with Claire before. Maybe pasta. He’d put the water on to boil but they’d get carried away and never get around to cooking the pasta. “Ugh” he thought to himself. 

The next day brought a new patient. One with complexity that his residents were having trouble deciding on a treatment for. Typically, with Shaun and Claire they worked well together but since his breakup Shaun had been obstinate and at times downright annoying. 

Shaun took it a step further when he told Melendez he was just trying to be nice to “her” and entertain her ideas for another treatment. “And you’re being a jerk” Melendez shot back. He had learned a few weeks back when the favoritism complaint came about that he needed to trust himself and have confidence in his experiences and knowledge which is exactly what he was doing here. 

He told them they had until morning to come up with a solution, although he was sure Murphy wouldn’t be participating in that. He went to check in with a couple patients and afterwards stopped by the resident’s lounge where he saw Claire working. 

Maybe he should tell her how he feels. Now may be the opportune time. No one else is around and have probably gone home for the evening. He can’t help but notice how beautiful she is sitting there, hair up, doing research, coffee cup in hand. It makes him think about what it would be like if she were at his counter for breakfast a morning after. 

“Make any progress?” he ask as he walks in the door.  
“I figured out a lateral approach, but Shaun thinks it would leave his spine unstable and increase his risk of stroke’ she says passing over the laptop. 

“I agree” Melendez replies

“Yeah me too” Claire says “there’s got to be a way” she begins

“Dr Browne” a nurse stands at the door with fresh flowers. “These just got delivered for you”

Neil looks at Claire curiously. “Guess I’m not saying anything tonight” he thinks to himself. 

“Dash is a romantic” he comments as she reaches for the flowers on the table. 

“Thought you hated romantics” Neil comments as he notices the wide smile on her face. 

“Yeah, he’s teasing me. I told him I thought guys who send flowers are lame” she says sticking her face in the flowers and taking a deep breath. 

Claire was at an impass. She had been since Dash showed up. She didn’t want to admit it to herself but her relationship with Neil had been turning into something more. She tried to convince herself it was completely platonic, but she’d be a liar if she said she didn’t look forward to seeing him every day and miss him when she didn’t. Their conversation in the locker room left her even more confused on how she felt. 

She wanted to know how Neil felt without coming out and asking him. She decided to send herself some flowers, and coincidentally the timing with him being there as she got them worked out perfectly. She knew just seeing them he’d be bound to make a comment. 

Neil watched her reaction, torn between being happy that she was happy and sad that it wasn’t because of him.

As she lifted her face from the flowers, she tells him, “we haven’t even kissed yet.” 

His face didn’t hide his confusion. “What are you waiting for?” he asks 

“I… don’t know. I enjoy being with him, actually I forgot how funny he is. It just hasn’t seemed like the right time.” She says taking the opportunity to talk about her feelings towards him, not actually Dash to see what he thinks. Being around Dash has made her realize just how much Neil makes her laugh and how much she enjoys his company. He is her superior though and especially after her argument that they can be platonic friends she can’t just come out and ask how he feels. 

Neil sits and tries to think of something to say, but after a moment gives up and goes back to their patient. 

“I’m more worried about stroke risk than spinal instability” he says changing the subject. 

Claire sets the flowers down. “Fail” she thinks to herself. This is obviously him changing the subject because he thinks she’s being dumb. 

“Maybe something from that” he says as he gets up. 

She nods and picks up her coffee cup. She’s now sure she must’ve read things wrong and on top of that still has to find a solution for her patient. 

Neil walks towards the door. “You’re supposed to be her mentor you idiot. You can’t just leave her hanging after she opened up” he thinks and turns towards her. 

“And Claire” he says as she looks up at him  
“If he’s the right guy, stop holding out for the right time” he says getting himself together and being the professional that he is supposed to be. 

Claire looks at him and can only blink. “Is his saying what I think he’s saying?” she wonders. She tries to read his facial expression but can’t. He eventually walks away and down the hall as she sits and watches him. 

She goes back to her research and tries to find a way to mitigate stroke risk. Neil comes back a while later and lets her know that he and Murphy inserted a diaphragmatic pacemaker. It only tracks shallow breaths so he’s at high risk for pneumonia. Got anything?” he ask

“I was thinking of using a Moran theory transatlas approach’ she explains

“It would destabilize the C1-2 joint” he replies

She rest her forehead in her hand. She knows there has to be an option and is frustrated that she can’t find it. 

“You did all you could. Go home. We’ll do the original surgery in the morning” he says as he can tell how frustrated she is. 

She tosses her notes down. She was supposed to meet Dash tonight and was trying to figure all of this out but none of it was easy. She had made her friend a promise. She also hadn’t expected to develop feelings for her boss. 

After she leaves, he finishes up a few things and leaves through the resident lounge stopping to look at her notes. He knows how badly she tried to find an alternative option.

Claire and Dash leave the club they went to see a band, reminiscing about old times. 

“I have an early surgery so I should probably get going” she says as they walk by her car. 

“Ok, have a good night’ he replies as he turns to go. Claire reaches for his arm as he turns. She’s got to figure out how she feels about Dash. 

Placing her hand on the side of his face she kisses him. He’s surprised but kisses her back. 

“Goodnight” she smiles as she goes to get in her car. 

She sits back in the driver’s seat. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing” she thinks to herself and shakes her head.   
It would have been so much easier if she had felt something. She heads home to get some sleep. 

Neil winds up being at the hospital all night going over Claire’s notes. Around 4am he dozes off and walks up again at 6:30. 

Claire and Shaun come into the lounge to see him on the couch with the notepad and tablet. 

“I had an idea. Actually, you had it first” he says to Claire as he hands her the tablet. 

“Right approach, just the wrong route” he says taking a drink of his coffee. 

“Were you here all night?” Claire asked 

“I got started and then rolled with it’ he shrugged. “Let’s go talk to him about it.”

They go into Finn’s room to explain the surgery as well as the risk and he is on board. 

“Where do I sign?” he asks eagerly.

“You shouldn’t sign anywhere” Shaun interjects. “The surgery would be incredibly short sighted and reckless” he tells him annoyed. 

Melendez walks out of the room before Shaun and Claire, the steam could almost be seen coming from his ears. He was furious. 

He explains to Shaun they are a team, and everyone’s opinion is valid but once they go into the patient’s room, they are to give a united front. 

Shaun looks at Claire and tells her he doesn’t feel better and he’s not doing the surgery. Neil can tell by the look on Claire’s face she feels awful. He’s aware Shaun has been going through a difficult time with his breakup and if it were any other resident, he’d kick them out of the surgery and every other one for a while. 

Ultimately, it’s for her that he approaches this differently.


	6. What Claire Wants

It could be said that she’s changed him, or more accurately, she’s brought him back to why he wanted to be a doctor in the first place as well as why he chose to work at a teaching hospital. 

The surgery was successful. Even Shaun had to admit that it went well. Claire was relieved and happy but her inner conflict with her feelings about Neil didn’t allow her to fully enjoy the joy of her success. She was supposed to have dinner with Dash tonight and wasn’t so really looking forward to it.   
Claire desperately felt the need to try and sort out her feelings about Neil and to figure out what his feelings were. She stopped by his office on her way out to let him know that Finn was doing well. 

“I’m not sure it was worth the risk” she says hoping he says something inspiring about they risk they take or tells her some risk are worth it so she knows if she should push this issue of a relationship or drop it. 

“We did a good thing today. Mostly because of you” he said leaning back on the front of his desk. His expression is soft and reassuring.

“That’s kind of you to say” she says shyly. It just wasn’t the kind of response she was hoping for. 

He could see the conflict in her and wasn’t sure it was all completely about the surgery. Regardless of how much she hated it, she had a soft heart and Shaun giving her a hard time did make her second guess herself even when she was right. She knew how to stand her ground when she had to, but that didn’t mean it was easy on her. 

“Your commitment to your patients reminds me of why I got into medicine.” He tells her with a pause. Being around you makes me a better surgeon.” He says before adding, “A better person” he finishes, looking directly at her. 

Now, it’s his turn to be scared to death laying his feelings out there in the open. Inappropriate feelings at that. However, if ultimately questioned, not red flag alarming feelings. 

Claire didn’t know what to say or do. She stammered for a second and said goodnight. 

He needed her to know she did a good thing today and that he believed in her. What he said was true, even if you take out the romantic feelings, he was having for her, she- as a resident, as a colleague- inspired him and being around her made him better. 

He picked up his bag and headed out the door. He hoped he didn’t make her feel awkward, although it was kind of the impression he got. If she asked to be on Andrews or Lim’s service next week he’d know why. He analyzed her reaction, compared it to what he thought it may have been if she didn’t read between the lines. She definitely knew what he meant. He winded up driving around for a while with no real purpose. Stopped by the store to pick up a few things he needed and took his time wandering the aisles.

He entered his apartment, once again surrounded by the silence. He put away the items he purchased at the store, then thumbed through his mail, trying to distract himself. He pulled out a fork and took the lid off a container of pasta salad that he had purchased in the deli. He didn’t have much of an appetite tonight but knew he should find something to eat and this is what he settled on. 

Claire left Dash’s early, not long after they had dinner with the excuse that it had been a long day. She called her therapist after she got into the car to see if she could stop by. These feelings were overwhelming her and she needed to talk them through with someone. She didn’t want to hurt Dash, he was her friend, however she also didn’t want to settle for something because it was there, and neither should he. 

She sat down on her therapist couch, nervous and fidgety. After a few minutes the therapist asked if she was ready to talk about what was bothering her. Claire shook her head no, bounced her knees; knowing she just needed to spit this out.   
“I think I’m in love with my boss” she blurted hoping saying it out loud would sound absurd and she could move past it. It didn’t. Even the curious look her therapist gave her, didn’t make her think she should deny it. 

Her therapist asked why she felt that way and Claire explained. The therapist cautioned that sometimes when people are as vulnerable as Claire has been that it can cause them to mis-read things. She didn’t tell her she was wrong though. She suggested she give it some time and maybe a little space as well as talk to Neil about it since they were friends. 

“Can’t you tell me I’m wrong and ridiculous?” Claire asked resting her head in her hands.   
“No” the therapist chuckled slightly. “Claire, you are brilliant and smart. What you are feeling is natural, and it’s not for me to say if it’s one-sided or not. Give yourself some time and space and then talk to him about it.” She suggested. 

Claire nodded. Not exactly what she wanted to hear but at least she didn’t tell her she was completely bonkers. 

“Thanks for seeing me tonight on short notice” Claire said standing. 

“Anytime” her therapist smiled, “you’ve come a long way Claire and I’m proud of you.” 

“Thanks” Claire smiled. She did feel slightly relieved to finally say her feelings out loud, however, the conflict was still there. She walked into her empty apartment, quiet and lonely. She wanted to sit down and cry but was afraid if she did, she didn’t know when she’d stop. Maybe she needed a drink. It sounded like a good idea, so she picked up the phone to get an Uber just in case she felt tipsy. 

There weren’t a lot of people inside which was a relief. She took a seat towards the end of the bar and ordered a drink. She tried to distract herself by catching glimpses of the tv, hearing conversations around her and people watching, in her mind making up stories of what was going on. Anything to try and not analyze her own self and not be stuck at home in the quiet. 

She was on her second drink when out of the corner of her eye she noticed a guy over and pull out the barstool that was right beside her. “Seriously” she groaned to herself. “There’s a ton of seats all the way down this bar but you have to come to sit right beside me? I’m not going home with anybody tonight” she thought to herself. She didn’t even give the guy the satisfaction of looking over. She held her hand up to get the bartender's attention and asked for her tab.


	7. Don't Run

“You don’t have to run away because I’m here.” the guy said as she reached in her purse for her wallet and froze. “It doesn’t have to be weird” he continued. She closed her eyes for a second before turning towards him stifling a laugh with her déjà vu. 

“It’s already weird” she says now looking at him before she burst out laughing. 

“I mean, damn” he jokes 

“I thought you were some guy trying to pick me up” she laughed tossing her wallet back in her purse. 

“Just some guy” Neil scoffed mocking offense. 

“You know” she laughed. 

“Does that mean you’re staying?” he asked with a smile

“Eh, I guess so” she shrugged. 

“Whisky, neat” he tells the bartender. “Oh, and she’ll take another… whatever that is” he says with a chuckle. 

“Neat?” she aks.

“Opposite of on the rocks” he explains

“Ahh. Of course, Doctor Neil Melendez would have a drink neat” she comments with a sly smile. 

“What’s that mean?” he asks

“Nothing” she replies 

“Ok soft touch” He shoots back

She sticks her tongue out and rolls her eyes. 

He takes a sip of his drink. 

“I can be dirty when I need to” he retorts

Claire almost chokes on her drink and refrains from raising her eyebrow.   
It’s then that he realizes how that could be taken. 

“How’s Dash?” he asks trying to move on quickly from his statement. 

“Dash is good.” She nods and she can feel the mood change between them. 

Neil regrets asking the question but wonders why she’s here drinking alone. 

“Someone should tell him that you don’t send your girl out drinking by herself” he half jokes. 

Her hands fiddle with her cup and Neil bumps his shoulder against hers. 

“I’m just kidding” he says, his eyes searching her face for answers. 

“Oh, it’s fine. Dash and I are just friends. He’s a great guy but…” she shakes her head. 

“Knew he shouldn’t have sent those flowers” Neil says trying to lighten the mood.

“Right?” Claire laughs 

“Straight whisky?” she says her head tilted as she looks over at him changing the subject from Dash.

“Try it” he says pushing the glass towards her. 

She looks at it and swirls it in the cup. Bringing it to her nose to smell. 

“It’s not poison” he laughs 

She takes a drink and makes a face as it burns going down.

“Ooh” she says as she shivers 

He laughs at her reaction. “You’re supposed to sip it not take it like it’s Patron” 

“Can I get a water?” she asks the bartender. 

“Light weight” Neil mocks 

“And two shots of patron?” she adds

Neil lifts an eyebrow and she smirks

“1, 2, 3!” she says picking up the shot as they both take it. 

“Another round” he calls out.   
Claire laughs, “Shaun says he doesn’t drink Tequila anymore.”

“God, Murphy drinking tequila?? I can only imagine” Neil laughed

“Explaining medical terminology to the bar patron beside him” Claire giggled. 

Neil handed her another shot as he tapped her glass. 

“Cheers” he smiled 

They were both feeling a tipsy, which made everything funny. Claire laughing so hard that she had tears in the corner of her eyes. 

“One more” Neil says 

“Are you trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me?” she asks leaning towards him on her elbows.

Suddenly guilt washes over him. That wasn’t actually his intention, at all. He wouldn’t dream of getting her drunk so she’d sleep with him. 

“No, he shakes his head, not at all” he says sitting up straighter. “You know I wouldn’t” he begins as he notices a smile creep across her face. 

“Hmm.” She replies her eyes focusing on his lips then his eyes. “Because, I wouldn’t need to be drunk to let you have your way with me” she replies biting her lip

A million thoughts run through his mind. “Is she drunk? Does she mean this? Maybe I should go” he thinks as he tries to control his breathing, his heart rate spiking as her face is mere inches from his. 

She can see him struggling with what to do, probably now afraid that she could think he was taking advantage of her. She closes the gap between them, and her lips meet his. She can taste the whisky on his lips still and it’s so good. She reluctantly pulls back and slides her hand down his shirt. 

“Hey, c’mere” he tells her placing his hand on her hip and brining her back towards him. 

This feels good. So good. It’s just kissing, or so he tells himself. 

“Here’s your tab” the bartender interrupts as he can tell they probably won’t be there much longer. 

“Oh” Claire laughs stepping back. Her mind is a little foggy, but it’s pretty clear that he has more than platonic feelings for her. 

She pulls out some cash again from her wallet. “How much is it?” she ask leaning towards him.

“I’ve got it” he says trying to focus on the receipt. 

“Let me half it” she says pushing cash towards him. 

“Too late” he replies handing the bartender the receipt with his card. 

“Did you drive?” he asks knowing that she definitely shouldn’t be driving

“Hmm?” she asks her thoughts elsewhere. 

Neil laughs. “Light weight” he jokes

“Am not” she says sassily as she stumbles a little towards him and he wraps an arm around her. 

“I don’t think you need to drive home” he tells her trying not to kiss her again. 

“Where should I go then?” she asks running her hand down the buttons of his shirt

He fumbles with how to reply and she laughs. 

“I’m kidding” she steps back and he regrets not answering her. “I took an Uber” she says grabbing her purse and suddenly seeming more sober. 

Neil nods. “Do you think you should be driving?” she asks hoping he isn’t planning on it. 

“I’m fine” he tells her. Yes, he was tipsy but not so bad that he couldn’t drive. 

“Damn, I was hoping it didn’t have to end just yet” Claire said bumping her shoulder against his as she walked past him out the door. 

“Nobody said it had to end” he replied and she turned towards him

“Share an Uber with me?” she asked stepping closer

“I can dr…” he started as she kissed his neck distracting his thoughts “ok” he replied

He pulled out his phone and tapped the Uber app. It only took a few minutes for them to arrive. 

The driver confirmed his address as they got in the car.

“Yeah” Neil replied looking at Claire who had a mischievous twinkle in her eye. 

He wasn’t typically the type to make out in the back of an Uber but there was a first for everything. He made sure to tip the driver well as they got out. 

He searched for his keys and Claire came up behind him placing her hand in his pocket. 

“Did you need some help looking?” she asked playfully. 

“Uh, yeah that’s not my keys” he chuckled

“I thought it felt a little big to be keys” she replied her hand still in his pocket. 

He turns quickly to face her and turns so her back is to the wall kissing her passionately with a hunger. 

He gets his key and unlocks the door guiding her inside, his lips moving down her neck. 

“Aren’t you talented?” she laughs.

“In ways you don’t even know” he smirks

“Mmmm. I can’t wait to learn” she replies unbuttoning his shirt

“You’re so beautiful” he tells her as his hands run down her side and over her back.

She gets his shirt off as he falls back onto the couch and pulls her down on to him. 

She pulls back from their kiss and lifts her arms for him to remove her shirt

He moves it up slowly, kissing her stomach, his thumbs running over her bra pulling the shirt over her head and tossing it to the side. 

He wants to pace himself, but this isn’t easy, especially with the pent-up frustrations and desire. 

He begins to have even more trouble pacing himself as she grinds her body against his. 

“Claire” he moans as she kisses his neck

“Yeah” she whispers in his ear, her warm breath and sexy voice driving him to the edge of his sanity. 

She scrapes her teeth on his ear lobe and he grips her thighs. 

He moves them back so that they are under her to support her as he stands up and she wraps her legs around him. 

He stands to make his way to the bedroom. As they get there he falls back and she sits up briefly to adjust her hair tie that is falling out. His hands roam her sides and her breast as she attempts to do it and she grinds against him before quickly unbuckling his belt and unfastening his pants. She kisses her way down his chest until her lips meet the top of his boxers where she plans on making him completely lose his mind. 

Before she can though he pulls her up and flips her over so he’s on top. 

“It’s my turn” he grins as he traces his tongue on her collar bone. 

“I want you now” she moans and although he’d love to take this slow, he can’t. 

They move as instinctively and rhythmically together in the bed as they do in the operating room. There’s nothing timid or unsure about her in the bed and it makes him want her even more. The way she moans his name, the way she touches his skin, the fire in her eyes when she is on top of him, it was better than what he could have imagined. 

The next morning, he wakes up before her, but keeps his eyes closed as if to push the day back from starting. The uncertainty of if he made the right decision last night, if she was going to resent him for it. Maybe he saw what he wanted because he wanted her. This… could break his heart and end his career. 

Suddenly, the thoughts in his mind were erased as her warm hand found his chest, caressing it softly. He turns his face towards her, “good morning” she says burying her face in his neck.

“Mmmmm” he grins. “Good Morning” he replies turning on his side. His stomach grumbles and Claire laughs.

“You hungry?” she asks

“You made me work up quiet the appetite last night.” He chuckles

“Well I wouldn’t use that whip crème, it’s been out a while now” she says gesturing towards the night stand with a wink

“Maybe I should go see what else I can find in there to enjoy on you” he grins kissing her shoulder

“You’re bad” she teases

“You weren’t saying that last night” he says his hands tracing up her thigh under the sheet.

She maneuvers herself so she is now on top of him grinding herself against him. 

“That would feel much better inside you” he tells her as she lifts herself slightly and he adjust himself to slide inside as he sits up slightly to lick her nipples. 

“Neil” she bites her lip and is quickly losing control of the situation.

He flips her over and leans into her ear

“Yeah baby?” he asks in a low sexy voice 

“F**k me. HARD” she replies and it’s all he obliges placing her legs on his shoulders and his hands on the headboard. 

“Yea…. Oh, mmmm. Yes. There. Don’t…. stop… yeah” she says grasping the sheet

They both meet what feels like complete ecstasy at the same time. 

Now its Claire’s stomachs turn to rumble. 

“You hungry?” he laughs

“Guess I worked up an appetite” she shrugs

“Any plans today?” he asks as they are both off work

“No, not really” she smiles

“So I get you all day?” he says wrapping his arms around her

“Yeah” she smiles and kisses his lips before pulling back. “The only stipulation is, we have to eat some food” she laughs. 

“Deal,” he says jumping up

“I didn’t mean this second” she laughs. 

They spend the entire day in his apartment, most of it without clothes. Later that evening he calls an Uber to go back to the bar so he can get his car. 

"Do you mind dropping me off at my place?" she asks wrapping her arms around him as he uses the app on his phone to schedule the Uber. 

"You don't have to leave" he tells her sadly

"I at least need some clothes," she says giving in

"No, I don't think you do" he laughs

A few minutes later the app dings to let him know the car is out front. 

"We better get out there" she says as he continues kissing her neck.

"Maybe we can just go later" he offers

"Come on, the quicker we do this the quicker we can get back to this" she smiles. 

"Promise?" he asks 

"Promise." she replies with that sparkle in her eye that he loves


End file.
